Can you tell me
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate a love that's to late
And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take the time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you
Ok.. i'm still a lil surprised i actually went for my peer leader reunion! i'm usually not a fan of reunions cos you know... you gotta look gooder then great and greater than best.. yea. but it turned out fine.. we really had some nice chats infact. =) talked about relationships, school stuff, and of cos... THE OLD TIMES.. haha. it was fun seeing our teachers also.. the only teachers you can irritate without worrying that they'll mark you down! hahahhaaha..
Besides that, the OSAKA ppl had a get together today! we had DIM SUM BUFFET! awesome stuff. really worth the money too.. we had a really good time la.. laugh and laugh, eat and eat, laugh and eat.. hahahah..
i'm glad i went for both gatehrings today.. i'm usually quite afraid of disappointing meet ups. but NAHHHH. both gaterings were far from disappointment. its good! we should do this again. =))
Now that all the enjoyment is over, i've gottta start grilling my brains. - IMP1 DRAFT -INT MARKETING DRAFT -RM IJ -COMSKILL DOCUMENT all to be handed in in the next week plus, studying for mid sem tests!! oh dearrrrrrrrrrr... the tot of it worrys me too much.
Now, i'm just friggin tiredd and i wanna sleep. dance pls chase away my blues tmr!
the garden in my heart.messed.
|Monday, November 24, 2008
I'm quite happy these few days.
Today's 2M02 was awesomely united. we planned to boycott CRM tutorial and in the end did not and all went together.. hahaha. We also reminisce the old songs from sec 2/3 while waiting for class to start.. hahaha.. so fun.. we blasted christmas songs with brandon's built-in speakers on his bag! the sound is DOPE. and yea. if you heard those christmas songs.. ITS US!! =D
Ever wondered like between you and a friend to how much is your friendship? close? long-term? superficial? aqquaintances? i've been thinking.. sometimes i wanna share some things with the person.. but dunno whether they wanna hear anot. hahah.. thank god i have this expert advisor who seems to be able to start heart to heart talks with most types of ppl, her name is SERENE. hahaha.. i miss my girls too.. we ought to hang out next sat. we owe serene that!
The week started of good thanks to latin on sunday i guess... finally we had class. and to those who backed out. HA. HA. losers! it was damn fun. =D i learnt both guys and girls part! **pat on the back! it was funny how i anyhow throw iris around. hahaha... i'm not that good a leader after all.. Sharon was really nice to help me practice my girls part wen the others had to go.. smiles** i dont know why i get so easily happy when it comes to latin. *shrugs
I wish to be myself as much as i can.. who doesnt rite? but well, occasionally here and there we forget who we are, especially wen we're trying to fit in? so.. face it. if you dont fit in, then don force it... you wont be happy anywae. and with that, i've plucked up my courage to be WHO I WANNA BE. =)
Well in this coming week, there's so much to catch up on. i realised that i have 2 submissions next week! and i also need to study for my BTT this thurs. wish me good luck kay?
i need to sleep now. goooooooood nites. =)
the garden in my heart.messed.
|Thursday, November 20, 2008
And once more.. its overr... =) it was tiring.. much stressful than i expected.
i had fun doing it=) enjoyed the dance floor like HELL.=D
It funny how we have the ability to talk and PERFORM at the same time now. coooool rite. on tuesday is was BADD. he made a step too early, and 2 ppl beside him were like . 'Badd..." and the rest of us heard. it SO FUNNY! but we didnt show it out la.. just laughed so hard bout it after we got off stage!!!
then for JAM n HOP during krump i set my eyes on one girl for a move. she looked shocked. then she laughed, and i smiled back. hahhaa.. =)) So thrilling. joyce and i aslo talked during the dance. we complained about the flicker lights. it made it so difficult to dance!. i felt so giddy. and joyce and i fell on one move. AT THE SAME TIME. thank god! it was synchronised fall. hahaha. and we both had the 'YES ITS A STEP' face on... phew. plus we were standing on the same side. haha.. its fun.. thats why.. the 10 million never ending hrs of training for that 10mins on stage is worth it.
for now i wanna go back into my mountain and train. =) who's in to train together??
i learnt quite a few stuff in this training..
erm, i should say this is one of the trainings we didnt had to do much last minute.
it is better i feel..
oh. my make up skills improved nehh...
thanks to youtube.
i also learnt how and wen to criticise. no point doing it wen the person is not ready to accept.
and also wen criticising, its always good to backup with a suggestion. doesnt make things so nasty..
its time to go back to study tooo.
mid sems are in 2 weeks time!
i heard its gonna be tough. =/
I'm looking forward to FB and NRA's concert babehhh!!!!
its gonna be good. =)
I was walking home alone yesterday..
kinda thought about HSM.
ts soo.... fantasy huh?
it seems so perfect.
nice hair, nice babe, cool hobby, cool moves..
its like.. once the music plays, things you cant do, also can do liao.
if only things really happened like that in real?
hahaha.. oh well.
i really wonder how disney does it sometimes..
they make such impossible things sooooo believable..
its really makes you drift into your perfect fairy land..
disney is awesome..
if i can, i would love to be in a cartoon, where everything seems so much more fun.
haha! not happy with you fren just blow up TNT in their face..
haaha... so funny. they their face black black. and in the second, their fine already.
no beared grudges, just do wat you wanna do, express wat you wanna show.
ohoh. this dog i saw on my home one dayy,
he smiled at me.
it made my day.
hahaha.. stop laughing. he really smiled at me.
GOOD NEWS! sis is coming back earlier then planned.
Groupies and i went to food republic today.
it was fun..
and i got to know samuel and brandon better too.
3 of us had dinner together while the rest headed for their own activities.
on many different issues..
they told me lots bout their boy-school stuff.
hahaha.. thank god i'm a girl. =)
thank you brandon's fren for sending me home! in a merc!
i also had my VERY FISRT CARL'S JUNIOR meal.
shared with manda.
we also went shopping together while the guys went their way..
helped her look for a dress.
it kinda my first time realy shopping at zara and top shop.
expensive. i didnt buy anything. i wouldnt bare too..
samuel has a hidden talent.
he can make music by clapping his hands infront of his mouth.
brandon has a hidden talent.
hecan sing the ' lonely.... i'm mr lonely...' song in that pitch!
These stuff has been making me laugh so hard in the past week!
thanks for chasing my blues away though yall may not realise it.
oh. nick was BEAUTIFUL to buy my orange juice even wen it was out of his way..
Christmas is coming!!
i absolutely love christmas.
especially when its with someone you love.
anybody wanna date me?
i've got my cousins with me this year. next year ok? ahahahaha....
dance LATERR. happy happy! cant wait. =)
the garden in my heart.messed.
|Saturday, November 15, 2008
Imgaine class is cancelled because there are only 3 out of the 5 can make it. you are one of the 3, and it happens 3 weeks in a row. how would you feel?
i got no comments anymore. i just think they suck.
TMR IS... the first test of the semester. i gotta do it well. i need to pull up my gpa!!
i havent got the mood for anything lately.. i just wanna do nothing. sit, stone, and give up.
SRY mann... i got nothing happy to write about.. you can click the close button up there now if i'm spoiling your mood. go away..
Jam n hop as usual is not very fruitful. everyone has their own more impt commiments.. just pray we wont screew up.
its really tiring to mix the music sometimes. everything i do, seems to be bad to someone. yall can tell me that i shouldnt care wat others say, but contradictingly some of you are the ones who say so much... Why not try suggesting something next time instead of just criticising? you know everytime yall criticise, i'm left there with no help, but just instructions to redo it. yea. say i'm sensitive or watever.. yall probabbly dont understand anywae. i'm not saying that yall cannot feedback.. but feedback with more heart? i dunoo.. give up.
my arm hurts. its inside the joint. i dunno wassup with it. -.-
I hate it wen friends come to you wen they need you. then wen you're not needed, you don exist. its hard to constantly put up with this behaviour. and its even harder if you've already put up with it for so long.. give up.
Losers are those who give up. maybe i should let myself be a loser for this once.
i cant have that dance. it doesnt seem to belong to me. give up. give up. GIVE UP.
the garden in my heart.messed.
|Friday, November 14, 2008
Hello! back blogging...
lack of sleep has really made me cranky and stressed over nothing.
i apologise to those who have been victimised by my atrocious mood swings.. =/
i feel that i've lots of things to doo.
i need to sort out my life.
i need to stop and TAKE A BREATH.
its killing me insidee..
thank god i find comfort in chatting with serene. =))
LAst saturday we went to SP for their dance concert!
i would say it s good efffort put in. well done guys! =))
Their freakin huge auditorium.. (tp really kinda sucks)
THey really made my reminisce GEMS 3.
now i freakin cant wait for it!! i remember..
how i hid in the toilet and cried to myself,
but also how much i miss having fun on stage, BEAT IT!
WEllllllll, it'll come soon, at the rate this world is spinning..
Thinking back, last night was really funny.
i scolded fuck and pointed countless middle fingers at my computer.
yar right. like it works!
i neeed a CHILL PILL yo.
GOOD LUCK TO JOEY AND JUNWEI FOR FTL!!!! =D
Goodbye my almost lover..
Goodbye my hopeless dreams..
i'm tryin not to think about you
and cant you let me be...
so long my loveless moments.
my back is turned on you
should i known you bring me hurt ache.
almost lovers always do..
the garden in my heart.messed.
|Sunday, November 09, 2008
IN class cam whoring!!
Stress symptoms kicked in today =/
i suddenly gorged on a hell lot of guilty pleasures..
haiz.. fatty fat fat i'll be once more.
Feelin so lost with my retail mng project now..
wat if we make a wasted trip tmr?
how do we make it fruitful?
are we on the right track?
Feeling worried for TPrawks.
i think we're gonna screw it up..
i mean.. seriously.. look at our current standard.
and we don even have full atttendance.
i'm i the only one worried?
I'm quite sad bout my freestyle..
i know i didnt do good.
and i feel bad, cos i know myself i've been procrastinating..
it takes courage to step out of your comfort zone..
Latin didnt happen again last sunday.
sometimes i feel god doesnt want me to progress in that dance.
and i'm so close to giving up.
as much as i feel things are goin against my will,
my other half also tells me that there's something i can do about.
wat can i do bout it? wat?
In the midst of all the happiness i have with my friends and families, i have such problems to worry about too.. so which do i wanna channel my focus on?
Some stuff my babies made for me!!
i enjoyed teaching you guys as much too =))
The place which made TP all so worth coming..
Pang yang said a hell lot of meaningfull stuff that day..
nv tot i'd hear such stuff coming from him. tsk! hahaha
well. its true.. and i'm happy my parents didnt spoil me soo much.
i need assurance, just like everyone else. and for me a simple ppraise would do the job.
unfornately, living in singapore, you don hear many good stuff.
girls like to comfort and sympathize with each other..
then within themselve, they manifest in all the sympathy and pity, and become too comfortable to move out of their comfort zone.
cos they'll feel, nvm, they understand me and agree i need time to change, i'll take it SLOW.
but then if we didnt feed on so much pity assurance, we'd probably be hitting rock bottom, and then, the only way will be to move UP.
assurance exist in many forms.
assurance from pity, assurance from positive reinforcement, assurance from love, assurance for achievements.
we tend to feed on assurance from pity. eg. ' huggs. you'll be fine one day. you're not bad at all.. you just need time' these type of assurance do help, but it doesnt last. its like an overnight drug.. cos the next thing you know, you'll be facing the same prob again and wen you have no courage to break through, you go back to the pity assurance. the cycle continues, it becomes like a drug. addictive and soothing.. you cant stop having it. and ppl wont stop giving you...
something i learnt over the weekend.
i wont procrastinate NO MORE!
pick up your courage stupid girl.
step out of your comfort zone.
the garden in my heart.messed.
|Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Day 1.5 of refrainment from dance. i dunno.. kinda miss dance, yet at the same time enjoying the free time i get without dance. but then i again, i miss dance... baahhhhh. watever.
I contemplated serious time today about going to school. i'm on MC. and it was hot, and i was late for project meeting already. i watched bus 5 go pass me.. still thinking.. in the end i decided to go. SCH IS IMPT!
Have you ever seen a sunshine guy? not meaning those hunks chillin at california beach la.. as in those ppl where you can really feel the happiness bursting out of them?
i saw my first today.. he first caught my attention when he gave up his seat for someone.. then as he alighted.. the way he walked... had a certain energy in him.. kinda "saw" butterfiles fluttering all over him, blue birds chirping.. then suddenly a bycycle almost bumped into him. he held the shoulders of the cyclist and they both exchanged words of concern.. then he continued he's sunshine parade down the street. hhaaha.. i felt a surge of happiness. cool eh?
btw. the stop he alighted is just outside changi hospital. probably you're thinking similar to me now.. =)
Today is granny BIRTHDAY!! =) she's really funny.. she hinted for KFC. welll.. maybe i'll get her a piece later=)
mission: refrainment from cold drinks failed today.. it too hot. how can you not drink cold water when you're leaving in singapore?!?
i've been filling in all my calender again! so many stuff to writee. woo. i like.
okie. gotta help with the preperations.
Happy birthday popo!
you know, we all love you so so much.
even though you can really be a difficult person, somehow we just learn to forgive.
i guess it comes down to the word KINSHIP.
you taugh dad the correct principles of life, and dad taught me them.
you went through so much hardship to give dad who he is today and for that i am so grateful.
i know you're living bonus years in this world now, and i hope you'd enjoy every single bit of it.
its irritating when you have to constantly remind me to bathe and eat and stuff,
but i like it.. espeically since probably these words may not be heard anymore in a few yrs to come.
some times the thought of you leaving brings instant tears to my eyes.
and such, i've learnt to treasure you so much more when you're with us now.
enjoy your 80 something birthday=)
mei loves you!!!!! =D
the garden in my heart.messed.
|Monday, November 03, 2008
Today wasnt a good day to start a week. i got some bad stuff from the doctors'. oh well, i'm ok. i feel..
I wanna BLOG about last week. i enjoyed sat the most! DUH! its best to just enjoy life sometimes..
We watched the RECORDING!! kinda freaky... and also made me extremely nausious. not cos of the images, but cos the entire movie was like filmed with a handheld cam? so everything was SUPER SHAKY. i didnt enjoy the movie as much as i enjoyed the company of my frens!
of cos it was awesome funny how we screamed over not-so-scary stuff.. and i swear i don scream in cinemas. i jump in my chair at most. SERENE TAN made me and bei scream like crazy... there was one i had to take short breaths in between the screams. HAHAHA.. it went like.. 'AAHH. AHHHH... AHHHH. AAH. AAHHHHHH..." i don scream like tt on normal occasions. seriously.. so guys. continue to date me. i wont embarrasse you one.. HAHA.
Ok. i also watched HSM3 with iris! super random. we met at the bus stop. then both of us were planning to shop alone. coincidental. but wen we reached tm we decided to watch HSM. thing was.. i was thinking of doing tt alone too.. same with iris.. haha! its freakin drama la the show.. but i really liked the choreogrphy.. and i would also like to run my fingers through zac efron's haiR. soooooooooo HOT!
sunDay was disappointing... no latin! =( i was a lil pissed off wen my fren wanted to postpone class just becos she herself couldnt make it. like wat kinda reason is that? i don get it? i still don get it.. but in the end we cancelled. cos 2 others couldnt. AARRGHHH. i wanna imrpove fast. but so many obstacles.. -.-
i wanna dress nicely.. where nice clothes. but got no occasion to do so. even going out also done in dance wear.. -.- eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
My IRRITATING SISTER is coming back end of this month!!!!!!! AND my COUSIN!! freakin miss them =( come home like NOW.
i feel scared. like lost. its time to get used to juggling dance and school again. wat if it becomes like last sem.. last sem, all my grp mates got As for their subjects and even Z. for marketing. your project probably will be your final grade. and i got Bs.. in others words, my end sem test which was during suntec, was badly done. =( bye bye As... i really wanted you. for mum and dad, for myself. i'm gonna catch you this sem no matter wat. sry dance. sry..
On the lighter note, i think for the past week, i've been OVER ENJOYING! HSM3, RECORDING, SP concert ticket, hair cut, food, food, more FOOD. and there's more ahead. i'll probably dedcut all that from my birthday ang bao. i wanna go shopping again. heee.
Some times you just wanna be yourself. but your peers disallow you to.. but its ok. i always know who i am with my besties and my family. thats why their soooo impt to me.
Yesterday i accompanied mum to joo chiat to get cloth. after that we went to geylang to eat. it was my idea cos i heard lots of good food there.. well, it became an educational trip. after dinner mum drove around the area, she showed me like where all the prostuition was located. its easy to spot them. just find the red laterns.. hmmm.. now i know.
kinda sad isnt it? sell your body.. and the said thing is the men buying it.. don look a single bit like justin timberlake or brad pitt. their fcuking gross and horny. =( they have my sympathy. i really need to thank god for blessing me soo much. good family, good food, good frens. wat more you want? Buddhism teaching: contentment is the key to happiness.