[Verse 1]
Can you tell me
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate a love that's to late
And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take the time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you


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|Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hello all.
2008 may not be ending in a good way..
so many projects to complete so much to improve...
i don remember 2007 being so stressful =/

Anywaes, for me, 2008 is actually the worst year in my life so far..
but, i guess, it was also the year i learnt and changed so much..
i'm still in the process of changing and sorting out my identity..
so pardon me if i've done anything wrong to you in this years..

In 2008..
i was criticised of my leadership.
i was constantly chided for saying hurtful words.
i hurt a lot of my friends.
i lost my confidence.
i lost alot of money..
i often scrutinise ppl's bad points.
i couldnt do well for my GPA.
i didnt get TBG.
i didnt get JAM N HOP (march)
i had my walls surrounding my heart freeze still.
i did not love any guy (im serious)
i was scattered and pride-full
i was ego-istic
i made many ppl unhappy...
i probably cried more than i usually do in a year.

In 2008,
i had new friends i really cherish.
i was given good opportunities in dance.
i learnt so much about team work.
i pushed over my limits in dance.
i'm cleaner and have more character in dance.
i learnt from my dear friends things which i probably would nv have learnt on my own.
i understood that people have their differences.
i lowered my ego and pride.
i've become more flexible.
i learnt that working is not easy and treasure money more now.
i've opened my eyes to the world..

In 2009,
i will learn to foccus on people's positive points.
i will try to love.
i will sort out my identity.
i will love my friends more.
i will not stinch on sharing and giving.
i will continue to make ppl around me happy.
i will continue to work harder on dance and studies.
i will accept love.
i will be more forgiving and forgetting.
i will be a better person. =)

its been tough...
so it'll be better.. rite?

i hope so =)
2009 here i come.

the garden in my heart.messed.
8:04 AM

|Friday, December 26, 2008

Yes. i spent my christmas eve being totured by these lil black fishes who hard sucked up any of my dead skin.

its ticklish beyond description.

omg.. i'll probably nv do that again.


Christmas eve was fun cos we bought a 10 bucks DIY cake shop.
well.. which of cos ended up in turmoil.. it looked more like the ruins of an ancient building.
hahaha.. the 10 bucks toy didnt provide good glue and thats why things kept falling apart.
hahha! so funnily ridiculous..
And so we laughed and stacked the miniature bricks till 4am..
Christmas day was spent shopping at METRO EXPO SALE.
waaaaaaaaa. soooo many ppl!
the que to the cashier was crazy.
it was from one end of the exhibition hall to the other, and then you make a U turn to continue the line into the barricades. on my TIAN!
We spent a WHoooooPing 3 digit amount there.. =/
err... i bought mum this ARMINI CODE body cream. awesome stuff.
she loves it so much i could see it in her eyes.. its just 20 bucks anywae. HAHAH. so i got it for her. =)
Later that evening we had a christmas dinner at my uncles place.
my lil cousin kicked a big fuzz. made the atmosphere kinda up tensioned.
thank god my other cousins and i had the TV!! we could pretend we didnt see anything. HAHA.
And yesterday... i spent the ENTIRE DAY doing my A&P project.
done done. =))
Went to JOEY'S house to surprise her at 12! hahaha.
she's so happy. =)
i love it when she smiles and beeeemss!
Pictures soon! =)

the garden in my heart.messed.
1:17 AM

|Tuesday, December 23, 2008

christmas shopping in TIRING!!!
i've started way tooooo last minute anywae...

Shopped around with my cousins today..
from peninsular to dhouby..
and we were at dhouby for freakin long!!!
dunno why we take up so much time there..
anywae, i've mostly settled my aunts and lil couz's prezzie.
but the rest ar NOT DONE.
die die die die die die die...
tmr we're meeting up already!

anywae, there's still time for more shopping tmr?
bahh.. i bought presents for my close friends too..
sorry its cheap stuff.. =/ broke mann. =(

i've received some presents already! =)
one from AH LEE LEE!
two from my both aunts, and one super unexpected one from a fren.

my gooooood fren alvin met up with him yesterday.
its been EFFING 2 YEARS since we last met.
he's pretty much the same but he says i look more mature now. haha.
he's like super nice la.. i just old him i got a new nano, and the next thing i know,
he got me a nano 'condom' blue some more. =))
we drove to pick up some other olddddd frens.. KENNETH and XIAO JUN.
awww.. miss them too..
then we went to this super nice place at tanah mera.
next to the beach. super romantic la..
but there were like 5 of us.
but HEY. we're not the worse. there we 2 man on the next table.
its was a fun night. full of joy and laughter.. hmmm
happy happy. he's so nice la..

i feeeeeeel the christmas mannnn
kinda remember how some time ago my groupies used brandon's bag to blast chrsitmas song in biz school!
well guys. its here already!! so fast huh?
i was walking in orchard just now. soooo BEEEE-E-A-UTIFUL.
awww. i love the feeeling of christmas.
the love, the joy and the sharing =)

YEANYWAES... i'm gonna start wrapping whatever present i can wrap now.
tmr i have no idea how i'm gonna be passing all the gifts around.
oh dear.. =/

the garden in my heart.messed.
6:42 AM

|Sunday, December 21, 2008

Back from camp!
super tired..
drained and all..
but i can say camp was fulfilling.

we did many things we probably wont really have the chance to do!
so to those who didnt attend.. TOO BAD! hahahha..

Well, quite coincidentally, all the groups i was in won all the prizes that was available!
hahaha.. cool stuff!

we slept in the dance studio..
danced there, slept there. =))
but the floor seemed extremely cold hard and dirty.
i missed my bed and boster and bath robe. =(

i'll post up some pictures soon mann.

i love tpde!!! =D

ppsst! the theme for gems 4 is MTV!!!! watch out. we're coming on STRONG.

the garden in my heart.messed.
11:23 PM

|Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I met nelson yesterday to session! =)

so i learnt to float, tried to learn to do a freeze from 6 steps, cleaned my top rock, and salsa step and 6 step. quite a load within 2 hr plus.

We were goin home when that guy wanted to eat DONUTS. awesomely FATTENING food.. AND i got dragged into commiting the sin. hahaha.. but thanx to the donut and 2 cups of bubble tea, we had 3 hrs of quality talk.

basically talked about life, relationships and personal preferences. o0o! and some insights on guy issues.. haha.. kinda started with.. do you think guys should always initiate? i've asked around quite a few ppl la.. funny thing was.. most of them said depends.. and wen i asked, ' so which kinda things shulds girls be the ones inititating?" manyy of them kinda took a loooooonnng time to ans. oh well. men are from mars and women are from venus!

i had my driving today! and I FREAKIN DROVE ON THE ROADDD!! omg. so FUN! hahaha. but a lil scary though... and i had this subconscious thought of ppl cursing and swearing behind me.. my instructor damn funny tooalso.. he kept scolding those ppl who tried to overtake me, and make my life difficult. hah! so nice la.. i like being protected. =) he's married and may be having a baby soon! he said he's gonna name her odesse? i dunno how to spell tt. it sounds like a car. haha!

i got this picture from Wan ting's blog. haahha. funny eh?

yea. fuck you.

i wish i could say that whenever i feel so.. but as we alllllllll know, we cant. =/

i Used to think strongly bout that way. (say wat you feel) but ever since poly, you realise that ppl do not accept such behaviour, nor would they conform to it. and thus, we all say good bye to this.

I've unintentionally hurt ppl many times with my words, and in return got hurt harder when they blow it all back at me in one breath. but then again, i only got myself to blame. I can say that i talk much less now. i wanna reduce chances of spitting knifes from my mouth accidentally, and in a nutshell, yes. i do feel afraid to say what i feel. Probably only the closet people would understand me. If not, the others would probably just be scolding me back for hurting them. To some point, avoiding such issues do save alot of trouble.

on a lighter note.....

My cousins are returning home toooooooooomorrow!!



hahaa. (i miss bolt. i might wanna watch it again.anyone in for it? hhahahaa =])

and my cousin who just left for HK is now MSN-ing me asking if i wanna get anything for myself.

i told him sweat pants for dance. then he went to gave me this wikipedia link to see if he's getting the correct idea. HAHAHAHAAH! funny funny.. anywae, they call it trackies there.. he's a great guy. will make a good boyfriend. GIRLS. he's 17 and going to be in singapore for 2 yrs. TIME IS RUNNING OUT! =)

okok. i MUST MUST MUST do at least half my IMP1 ij by tonight.

tata! =)

the garden in my heart.messed.
4:48 AM

|Saturday, December 13, 2008


i'm feeling supa happy today. =)

probably cos of last night.


i didnt get lost ok!!!!!

suprising... seriously.

how was it that i could remember the way so well,

when we were playing and all during the previous night cycling,

and i cant even remember my stupid CRM notes given full attention?!

HAHA. still amazed.

my sis is like astounded.


anyhow, we had a good time and butt freakin hurts.

oh oh. the sneaking home part was exciting too!!

thanks to my aunt and maid for helping us.

let me confess. i didnt bathe before i sleep cos there's only hot water downstairs,

and my granny would probably suspect if i had bathed like 7 am in the morning..

but. BUT... i got use towel to clean my entire body 2 times la... and abit of soap on legs and hands.

hhahaah.. i'm not THAT gross ok.. i had my difficulties getting to the shower.


i slept alllll the way until 1.30?

woke up, got scolded for sleeping till so late by granny.

and then i went to make noodles.

i'm really happy.

bonus happy was the text i recieved! =)

so sweet la.

thanks =)

Anywae, last latin class later..

i'm trying not to feel sad and stuff now.

i'll focus on the positive!


now i can move to advance beginner?


where to advance? i dunno. but we'll think of that later. =)


YOU. spoil my reputation cos i kena feature on your blog.


nvmmmmm.. wen hey gorgeous ppl ask me wat you're like i'L SAY....

you like the CYBER SEX.



Oh. i better not forget.

FB production was COOOOL stuff.

nice stage lights! wats wrong with TP! AARRGH.

anywae, i loved their pop/lock, the chap teh concept.

the LAME was also funny shit! espeicailly this tall guy.

hahah! i couldnt take my eyes off him! so funny.

gemsss 4444444444444444.... nowwwwww


anywae kids, thats bout all for today.

i'm really happy.

share my happiness with me k?


poor janson probably would never wanna ride a bike for the next 5 yrs.. HAHA.

the garden in my heart.messed.
10:57 PM

|Friday, December 12, 2008

it overrrrr!=)

i'm so relieved now..
finally, i can catch my breath for say 2 days?

i'll start my ijs on monday=)
my projecting will begin soon.
well. lets not talk about those!

Today after the paper, sam miao miao and i went to have lunch.
then we went to watch BOLT.
awesome show.
freaking funny.. especially the hamster!
hahahhaaa.. i think we laughed pretty laughed.
it was kinda random watching it with 3 other ppl i dont really know..
they are.. rachel, adriel and marcus.
but. i know them now! =)

Now thaat exams are over i have so many things i wanna do..
i was thinking, i probably need to think of 2009 new year resolutions.
truth is. i cant even remember wat this yr's was.. haha!
well that means i need to pen it down somewhere..
Also, i wanna organise my life..
i've already bought my 2009 notebook.
and.. i also wanna look back and read up on my 2008 posts..

frankly, i feel 2008 is the toughest year of my life so far..
i learnt quite a fair bit la..
and i think i've changed.. good? bad? i dunno.. but i know i'm different.
but there also goo stuff to smile about and to hold on for years to come.

i'll talk more bout that some other day..
as for now...
how bout 8 things that you guys probably dont know bout me?

1. I don like hamsters.. and they are probably the only fury thing i dislike.
2. I would love to do overseas SIP and is waiting for the opportunity.. anyone interested?
3. I super cannot stand eating the fats beneath the chicken skin.
4. I don eat chicken feet cos i think they look like baby fingers. =S
5. I talk much less now as compared to the me in secondary school. hahahah!
6. I think guys who can play the piano are super sexy. =DD
7. I get paranoid very easily with lao ah peks around me.. HAHA. =x so shameless rite?
8. I wanna do a broadway production at least one time. its my life dream. i'll become a ghost if i dont. hahaha.

YEP. thats about all.
oh. i also found a colour i'm really fond of.
its TURQUOISE! =))
its gonna be my new baby from now.

Latin is ending soon.
this sunday...
wat should i do?

tmr is FBODZ concert.
its gonna be freakin nice!!

i was sooo planning on goin to club or do some late night activities today.
cos mum is in Malacca, dad went to work, and exams are OVERR!
but everyone not free. =(
oh wells..
next time..

i'm on a shopping mood lately!
sis and i bought some stuff from FOREVER21 yesterday..
and i got more make up from E.L.F =)
i cant wait for all of them to come! =))
cousin got me my NANO tooo!!!!!!!!!! BLUEEEE!=))

okok. i'm ranting alot of crap here.

Fuzzy feeling is back..
i dont quite like it.. the whole suspense feeling.. =/
reply my messages you assholeeeeeee! haha.

the garden in my heart.messed.
6:05 AM

|Tuesday, December 09, 2008

hello peeps

i'm so motivated to dance now.
now now now now NNOOOWWWWWW..

i cant wait for FB concert and DANZATION.
i wannna daaancceeee =(((((((((((((((((((((

the garden in my heart.messed.
10:20 PM

|Sunday, December 07, 2008


thats my new boyfriend.

his name is Blake. =)

isnt he's butt awesomely sexy?

oh. did i metion dad got me a new car?
with my face spray painted on it!!


hahhaa. this guy...
he loves me..
he permenantly wants me on him. ..

and i shouldnt forget Randy as well.

he was a sweet one. (:

yes. i'm bored of studying..

the garden in my heart.messed.
11:34 PM

|Friday, December 05, 2008

We can be superheros if our mind allows us to..
Past week has been hectic like hell.
and i think i can become very blur and stupid sometimes.
is that the way i crack under pressure?

i handed in my RM ij LATE.
cos i tot it was 5 pm. but submission was at 12..
so gay..
feeling kinda screwed.
ouh well.
i can only blame myself.

Mum came home with lots of name cards? and ribbons?
a 100 of them..
my sis and i did the deco till 5 plus.

Suddenly so many things happened in the past week.
its not very nice.
i don really like chasing after the world you know?
and sometimes i wish i had 36hrs in a day.
or maybe just more discipline to sit down and do my work.

i had a nightmare the other day..
dreamt that our government was using things we built to bomb ourselves.
like... a satellite dish. and rocket ship.
lee kuan yew spoke over some loud PA system saying all the best good luck. -.-
he was unhappy with the way humans were becoming.. and thus the attacks..
its was scary..
i concluded that the dream was a mixture of events that was happening around us.
the ingredients are: bangkok political issues + india bombings + 9pm show little nonya + AnP climate change project.
did i mention in the dream we suddenly had super powers?
like we can run in air.
evolution of mankind in times of troubles..
it may happen..

Been thinking of my new year resolutions..
truth is... is cant even remember wat i ahd in mind for 2008.
looks like i gotta pen in done somewhere.
one of them is to decide on a course i wanna do and in which uni.
more to come!

as for now..
its back to studying..
oh mann...
bring the holidays closer!

the garden in my heart.messed.
9:27 PM

|Tuesday, December 02, 2008


i took some time off my busy busy busy schedule to blog a lil.
firstly, here's why i have time to blog..


ok. i feel better.

i just hope she feels bad for being so irresponsible.

now to the goood stuff.
i've actually been postponing all my blog entries cos i just aint got the time to load so many pictures... so i'll just load one for every happy event which occurred recently..

and the most recent would be...

i had dinner with my sis cousin and he's aussie fren on monday.
i had a really great time. =))
spent alot too.
thankfully mum is subsidising it. heh. =P

Me and my apple martini

my koo koo cousin

we walked round almost the entire city hall district that night, then chilled at timbre.
awesome place. i'd love to go there again =)
the live singer was good. too good. =)
she sang me my favourite christmas song!!
and we had a good laugh teaching the aussie fren SINGLISH LESSONS 101.
he was spontaneous enough to embarrass himself for the sake of our enjoyment! haha..

last fri was my sec sch peer leader gathering last friday.
we talked quite abit.
and i'm happy to see all my frens looking good. =)

The OSAKA ppl also had a lunch get together..
and we had a good time laughing as well.


Latin on sunday was freakin good.
we finished the first highlight of the paso doble.
i think i make a great partner for mike! hahahaha.
we like to explore new things and try crazy stunts.
Sharon also made us a mockery by playing the music at -0.5 which is faster then original speed.
she kept laughing as we frantically stomped round the dance floor. haha. -.-

and.. yep.
thats all.

with so much fun happening,
i now have to catch up twice the amount others had already covered!
booohoooo!!! =(
but its ok.
i enjoyed myself soo much.

thanks friends. =)

the garden in my heart.messed.
9:53 PM