the mess in my heart

|Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Its been a day...

You know how is like when you often tell ppl to not do something,

and then you do it yourself?

and then you feel like a ultra loser?

well, i cabbed to cdc today.

cos i was late.

the feelin sucks.

loser loser loser. =/

I went to driving half awake, still tired from the previous nite,

and i think i kinda got my instructor into trouble..

there's a chance we are getting a saman. (fine)

i dunno.. i saw he got quite worried.

and i mounted curb like 2 times during my crank course.

so gay.

School was awesomely UNPRODUCTIVE
we met up for IM.. talked a lil..

and went for RM.

BUTTTT there was no rm. -.-

so we all waited for almost half hr outside the container class.

and she drove past us in her convertable.. -.-

sooooooo gay so gay so gay. zzz.

I went home and tried to nap..

but mum's inconsiderate noise and movements left me in a subconscious realm for 1hr.

tt makes you more tired you know?

so i finally dragged myself out of bed and went to do some studying.

tmr's CRM exam is kinda cranky.

its like. hello? still CNY you know?

and we're having a paper.

waaaat the hell.

Anywae, i met nick to study at starbucks for a while.

i saw he's sis.

haha! look like vmay not at all like him! bahaha.

i Had many thoughts of 'if i were a guy' today..

if i were a guy...

i would probably aim to be like the girls' fav guy. eg. zac efron.

HAHAH! funny. but yea mann. i think i can especially since i'd know girls to well..

and of cos i'd be a gentlemen, and also be dashing and handsome. HAHAHA.

call me a playboy. i dont mind. =p i'd change my girls like how they change their clothes! but trust me i'll still be mature and sane. hahaa..

being a buy is fun! you get to do many stuff girls cant do.. like... burping out loud and sitting with your legs wide open. =p winking at the girls and sending electric waves through the AIR! haha.

ok.. its getting retarded... i'd wanna be a guy in my next life. =)

Cousins have left SG yesterday..

i didnt feel as sad as i thought.. probably cos i know i'll be seeing them soon again.

But in this one month that they were here, i really really had alot of fun.. somehow they opened up my liveliness again. i feel more cheerful than usual...

with my cousins i can laugh and speak without fearing to be judged.

this is family.

and even wen they say stupid things i'd laugh along too. hahaha..

its just endless laughter..

and with sarah, we went to pubs did DEVIANT stuff. ahah and had heart to heart talks. =)

i really wonder how will things be like in the future..

Uncle from canada is leaving mr morning.

and that kinda marks the end of this new year i've been so looking forward to..

i'm happy and contented.

i love you guys =)

i love my family.

thank you Buddha for this blessing.

CHEESY PICTURE COMING

hahaha. okok. bye folks!

the garden in my heart.messed.
8:27 AM

|Monday, January 26, 2009

GONG XI FA CAI!!

in hainanese : Goong Yi Wat Sai! =D

bahhahahhaaha..

today was good =)

errr.. we did the usual annual routine,

had breakie together, dresses up and went to uncle's place.

then after lunch and a little prayer, we headed to the eldest generation of my family's house.

as usual it was packed with all my dad's generation ppl and some of mine.

there were a total of 4 BABIES!!!!! tt forms the start of the next generation! =D

lucky was NOT very well behaved..

he kept barking at people.

but cannot blame him, cos they were huge and talked really loud.

it intimidates him.

Then home is was and i went to bring chester over.

we take care of him every year wen he's owners needs to go back to malaysia.

he's cute.. just a little toot. and not so good at tricks.

hahaha.

lucky was damn tired. he didnt even bother to play with chester.

Later dinner at ah ma's place and then i wne tot andreas house to join my dance babies.

gambles a little, laughed alot.

hahaha.

tmr's gonna be a long day..

MANY MANY ppl coming..

and both lunch and dinner is also on us.

we have 3 families coming at night!

woooooo!

it'll also be cousins and frens from aussie's last day tmr.

after dinner at my place, they'll go stright to airport.

oh well.

let's enjoy with the time left.

=))

the garden in my heart.messed.
9:04 AM

|Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Phewwww..

i was so suffocated today.. it really wasnt funny.
i could see the stress in my groupies too.
and i knew by crm presentation we were all dead flat.
i swear.. if you guys ever have 2 presentations in one day, prepare ealier..

i met serene today..
i miss her sooooo much!
we didnt even get to celebrate her birthday cos she's got soo much work.=(
poor girll. she's sick. her voice sounded sore.
HUG HUG HUG SERENE LIM!

anddd.. i met bei bei yesterday..
i miss her also..
she bought economic chicken rice for us and we had dinner together.
hahahaa.. =))

everyone is so lost in the mist of projects submissions and tests.
i feel detatched from my lovesssss.
hurry come holidays..
then we can have time together. =)

Anywae, this song playing,
is from the show BEETHOVEN.. super old show.
but something i really love since the first time i've watched.
the plots are much purer and truthful..
watch it. its niceeee..

lucky boy boy is sick =/
tts why i'm blogging here in my garden..
cos he's lying on the grass.
and i just wanna accompany him here..
hope he'll be fine..
nelson's dog is sick too.. coincidence.
and he's so worried..
i guess most people cannot understand the amount of love you can share with a dog.
a dog is always home waiting for your return,
they become to happy and excited over the things you do..
and they stay by your side when you just want to be away from people..
they dont ask for much..
just a shelter, some food and to accept their loyalty.

Tts all for today..

i'm quite happy. =)

*beeemmss =)

the garden in my heart.messed.
2:38 AM

|Sunday, January 18, 2009

Hello.
its bloggin time! =)

past few days have been less hectic ( less doesnt mean not. haha)
with 2 projects down, life seems a little lighter. =)

Dance was fun shit on sat!
the new o sch is super small for the 70 of us?
but it was only for a while..
thank god gin plucked out the seniors to another room.
that room is kinda scary, cos its open to the public to see..
so pai sae!
and gin was funny enough to stand outside and pretend to be a passer-by.
YA RITE. we all faced her and danced.
hhahaha...

Anywae, she also taugh us the choreo 1 eight by 1 eight.
it sounded scary at first..
but wen we could do it,
we were all happyyyyyy!
don stress ba.. don waste your mind space on thinking how you cannot do it.

Anywae, chinese new year is just round the corner.
have i mentioned how happy i am this CNY?
if only sis was here..
but she's also happy la..
in ROME NOWW.. tsk!

Learning to Recieve
Quoted from John Gray

Setting limits and receiving are two very scary things for women. She is commonly afraid of receiving too much and then rejected, judged or abandoned. Rejection, abandonment and judgement are most painful because deep insider her unconscoius, she holds the belief that she is not worthy of recieving more. This feeling is probably formed and reinforced during her childhood times when she had to suppress her feelings, needs or wished.

A women is very vulnerable to the incorrect belief of not being worthy of love. If as a child she has witness abuse or have been abused, she is then even more vulnerable to finding worthiness of recieving love. These in the unconscious generates fear of needing love from others. A part of her imagines she will not be supported.

Becuase of this fear, she pushes away the support she needs. When a men receives the message that she does not trust him to fulfil her needs, he feels turned off. .................................. As such times, women assumes that having needs turns him off when in truth it was her hopelessness, desperation, and mistrust that has done so. .......................... Needing others puts her in a vulnerable position. Being ignored or disappointed hurts even more cos it affirms the incorrect belief that she is unworthy.

Women would give and give, but deep inside, they did not feel worthy of recieving. They hoped that by giving, they would become more worthy of recieivng. They thought that compulsive giving would solve the problem howevere, it only made them exhausted. Then through long gradual giving, they saw that others were worthy of receiving and they were too....... People will only give when you are ready to receive.

Something i've learnt and identified with recently..
i'm sharing it with you girls out there =)
take time off to think bout it! =D

the garden in my heart.messed.
1:36 AM

|Friday, January 16, 2009

Pictures of the Family shoot is out!! =))

There were like 800 pictures all together.. haha

those are just some of my favourites =)

Anywae, Uncle from canada just reached home! =D

i'm really happy this CNY. everyone is back =)

Really looking forward!

gtg now!

the garden in my heart.messed.
3:29 AM

|Saturday, January 10, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SERENE!

girl, i love you many much more. =)

we'll stick through yea?

thanks for always being there..

If i had one wish..

i would wish for Saturday to happen all over again.
it started well, ended sweet to the last bit.. =)

FINAALLLYYY. a good day in 2009.

Thanks to dance. I love you so much you know?

its a bitter sweet relationship we have.

you make me so happy and then you can make me so sad.

but nevertheless, i'll not let go.

i've been inspired. and i wanna step up to choreographing soon.

i think i have a new skill!

i know how to make smokey eyes in different colours!

hahahaha. so retarded rite.. oh thanks to my 2 guinea pigs who let me experiment on them.
hahaha. oh and my miricle make up 'eraser'. haha.

i need for colours! joyce's palette is the BOMB. so nice!

anywae, saturday's performance was good=D
higher satisfaction for me cos i had more negative emotions than usual.

i was actually feeling really scared before the show.

i had moths and houseflies in my TUMMY. major buzzing.

But when it was on stage.

i just totally forgot bout being scared.
it was a totally different feeling...

i guess tts why i'm happy.

This would probably be our last few performances..

sighhh..

our time is nearly up.
lets enjoy it. =)

Ok this part is funny.

Bimbo Roy was suppose to help us camwhore then he suggested he just continuos take 10 shots..

Here are the results...

Shot 1

Shot 2 (so blur! photographer lo..)

Shot 3 (was spent frantically running)

Shot 4 ( joyce and joey unintentionally showed their butt. i dunno wth serene is doind. haha!)

Shot5 ( finally. something decent. )

Shot 6 (HAAH!no comments..)

shot 7

Shot 8 ( from this picture joey gets lazy.. hahahaa. )

Shot 9 ( she's still sitting.)

Shot 10 ( joyce and serene UNINTENTIONALLY did the same action while i just recovered from a fall and joey meering changed from sit to stand. HAH.)

OKkkk. NOOoooo Mooooree.

it was hell funny.

Anywae, past few days have been hectic.

Project submissions are not fun.

I'm worn out and pushing my limits..

mid-sem tests are back as well... erm. results are less than desired.

This semester is flying past once more.

didnt we just start school not long ago?

the garden in my heart.messed.
7:42 PM

|Thursday, January 08, 2009

Hello..
its been sometime since i last blogged.
frankly speaking things have not been going well for me lately..
its been like that since the start of 2009.
but, i'll keep optimism on my side..
i dont believe that dwelling in self-pity will do any good.
and so i shall not.

Having said that, i've noticed slightest happy thing thats has been going on..
and thus have made it through the days without pulling a long face.
PatSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS on my back. =)

Todays performance is as usual SO-SO..
i dont know wen we'll ever give an impactful performance.
usually since its a school performance we often take things easy.
and we're always not given sufficient time.
i'm sick of that.
but whats the use wen i'm the only one feeling this way.
this are just personal thoughts which may not be exactly true,,
so my dearest dancemates do not misunderstand!!!!

i cant wait for gems 4.
i probably will not tkae up anymore performances in school till then..
i wanna train in my mountain.

Anywae school stuff are coming along not so good.
RM teacher PANG SEH us.
yes. PANG SEH, ABANDON, DITCH, LEFT us.
and wen we asked the new teacher if she could check if we're on the right track she said she doesnt mind.. but she's not the one marking the paper in the end..
so wat if she says the wrong thing. and so.. we asked is that @#$%^& discussed with her about any consultation stuff.
she said no. and she said the #$%^& probably wont want to see our entire report. the most we can do is highlight some stuff and email her.
i WILL COMPLAIN if she doesnt reply the emails.

i also got a freakin 79/100 for my assignment.
1 EFFING MARK AWAY FROM A!!!!!!!!!!!!
and no sympathy was shared.

I shall stop here today.
pray for us tat saturday will be a AWESOME show. =)
peace out.

the garden in my heart.messed.
3:43 AM

|Thursday, January 01, 2009

first day of 2009 SCREWED BY YOU DAD.
FCUKING THANKS.

i dropped the tears.

FCUK YOU.

bye.

the garden in my heart.messed.
1:31 AM